


The Beginning and the End

by embarrassingresultofmyfreetime



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Forehead Touching, Gen, The Doctor (Doctor Who) Uses They/Them Pronouns, They/Them for Theta and referring to the Doctor in general anyways, check intro notes for an explanation this was a prompt, hand holding, idk how to tag this im really sorry, mentions of the thirteenth doctor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:55:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26346709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/embarrassingresultofmyfreetime/pseuds/embarrassingresultofmyfreetime
Summary: Prompt: First Doctor, Dhawan!Master, Gallifrey, and the dialogue: "I know my words mean close to nothing for you. But I do, in fact, love you very much."Basically Theta (Academy Era Doctor) accidentally runs into the Master on a burning Gallifrey(Please look at beginning notes for inspiration credits bc I can't link things in the summary box lol)
Relationships: The Doctor & The Master (Doctor Who), The Doctor/The Master (Doctor Who)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 26





	The Beginning and the End

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this post](https://mastershearts.tumblr.com/post/623609983532204032/the-thought-of-the-first-doctor-aka-theta-saying) by [@mastershearts](https://mastershearts.tumblr.com/) from Tumblr about  
> [Valc0](https://valc0.tumblr.com/)'s generator post which I will link as well if I can find the original.
> 
> Prompt Image:  
> 
> 
> This takes place right after the Master destroys Gallifrey but before Spyfall p1  
> (Sidenote: I haven't heard the audio dramas but I know they exist so I'm really sorry if anything is inaccurate about Theta)  
> I hope it lives up to your expectations lol

It was finally done. Finally over for good.

The Master stared over his burning planet, hurt and alone. The fires were so hot they baked glass from the sand, the smoke was so strong it coated the sky as if it were night, and the reek of death was so potent it brought false tears to his stinging eyes.

He'd seen hell before. He'd been trapped in places unimaginable- powerless to change the world around him and powerless to run from it.

The Master had witnessed the kinds of horrors that kept you up at night because you couldn't get the image out of your mind, the smell from your clothes, the scar tissue from stabbing as if you were reliving it all over again.

He'd seen it all, and he was still standing there today because- and _only_ because- he'd done whatever it took to survive.

If the universe had death in store for him at every turn, then he vowed to be ready. No matter what, he would beat it to the punch.

The Doctor always lectured him on the arbitrary morals they'd picked up on their adventures. Life after life, and the Doctor only grew more reaffirmed in their beliefs. They rose higher and higher, always looking down on the Master from their high horse and condemning _him_ for exerting any kind of control over his surroundings.

The Doctor didn't understand because the Doctor never had to live what the Master had been through. The Master had been forced to fight in bloodbaths even worse than this. He was scared every second of every day for so many years, he'd been forced to commit acts that coated him in blood, and he'd watched everyone he'd ever made the mistake of caring about run or die right in front of his haunted eyes.

So what did the Doctor know of morals? The way the Master saw it, if he struck the first blow then no one else could beat him to the punch. Repaying the universe with but a taste of what it's given _him_ was the least he could do. The Time Lords had broken every last piece of him, they'd used him only to reject him the moment he was no longer helpful to their cause. They'd made the Master into this, trapped him alone in a pit of despair and let his crumbling mind drive him mad.

The Master had tried to escape it once, tried to be better, and now he knew that was never possible. He was too far gone. All that was left was to drag the rest of the world down with him.

He knew the truth about the Time Lords now, the truth about who and what he really was. He was never meant to be anything. He was made in a lab by chance.

But the Doctor? Oh the Doctor. The Master's first friend, the first one to leave him, and the only living soul the Master could never completely cut from his hearts. The Doctor was so much _more_ than him. She was different and powerful, remade all shiny and new every time she was pushed to the brink, a phoenix who always rose from the ash stronger than ever before.

The Master always knew she was different than the others... and now he knew why. Not because she understood him, not because _together_ they could be more the way they'd always promised each other as kids. No, the Doctor was more because it's who they had _always_ been. Just them and them alone.

The Doctor didn't _need_ him. Certainly not the way the Master needed her. Growing up together, in this place, the first place they grew to trust until they learned to run. It never meant anything more to her- the Master knew that now. He was just another in a long line of the Doctor's history, no more of a partner than those strays the Doctor so often brought along on her travels. The Master now knew that he was nothing to the Doctor, and for that- he planned on making sure the Doctor was _nothing to anyone else either_. Not the spark that created the Time Lords, not the Savior of Earth, not the Master's friend nor enemy. He was already plotting how to destroy it all for good.

First he'd burn down her human world. He would destroy the little sanctuary she'd made for herself there and every last soul in her little fake 'family'. He would eradicate every other worshiping pest on that chunk of rock and wipe away every change the Doctor had made in their favor. He would reduce them to nothing.

Then he would lure her back here to Gallifrey, the place he had believed to be _their_ home for so long. He would show her what was left of the Academy, of those long halls of the Citadel, and even the red grass where they'd made so many wonderful promises to each other under the stars. He'd show off the way he'd wiped every last trace of the children they'd once been from this planet's surface.

Lastly, the cherry on top? Their fitting conclusion? Well, if the Doctor was immortal-equivalent then he needed something airtight. Luckily the Master already knew just the solution. The infamous death particle he'd heard about so much during the cyber wars should do nicely. It would destroy both of them together _and_ ensure that absolutely nothing would be left to be rebuilt. Not a cell, not a speck.

It was perfect. The Master's last grand plan.

He would destroy everything the Doctor had ever touched, Earth, Gallifrey, and the Master's own hearts alike. The truth would break the Doctor, as it did the Master, and she would finally fall into this deep pit of despair with him.

The way the Master saw it: death was all that was left for the two of them anyways.

Everything gone, everything burned, and they'd leave it behind together. They used to do everything together, and now neither of them would ever live in a world without the other. The Master was terrified and yet he couldn't wait for it to be over.

His broken, twisted mind told him that this would fix everything. This would finally reward him with peace. They say you can't erase the past, but the people who say that don't know what the Master is capable of.

The Master stared out at the smoke, the way even the blazing twin suns above couldn't penetrate it, and the sand still crackling shards of glass. He stood there, mesmerized by it all.

The feeling caught in the back of his throat so tight it could choke him. He wanted to laugh, he wanted to scream, he wanted to sob. He didn't let himself do any of those things.

The silence was too strong. It was so strange and foreign to watch a place that was never quiet, never still, never at peace- a place that only ever pushed tension into his skin and self-hatred into his mind- be reduced to this burning landscape.

The Time Lords were gone. Finally. They could never hurt him again...

It didn't ease the stress in his hearts the way he thought it would. He was already too numb to care. Even if there was anything more to feel, you can't break what's already broken.

The Master wasn't quite certain how long he'd been standing there but he knew it was a while. He could feel time pass by the rotation of the planet under his feet. It was only when he was physically losing the ability to tolerate it that he turned away.

He had to get to the next step of his plan anyways. The humans were first up on his list and Earth always held such wonderful fun. He loved the look on the Doctor's face whenever he revealed himself. Maybe he could dress up again, earn her trust, make it hurt all the more when he told her who he really was.

Yes, one last game. That would help him get his mind back in order and recover from the numbness taking hold. Yes, he could have a little fun while he set up all the dominoes to their fitting finale.

Suddenly a new sound cut through his thoughts. A sound that absolutely should not be possible given he had ensured he was the only soul left alive on this crumbling chunk of space dust.

It was the scratchy whirl of a Tardis with the parking break on. The ship the sound emanated from landed in the sand not far from him.

The Master sighed and readied his shrinking device before he even turned to look. He passingly wondered which of the renegades it was this time when he turned to see a familiar blue box.

Familiar... but... different. Smaller? But wrong. The windows, the lettering, the shade of blue? All wrong. Or maybe not wrong. Maybe just... not up to date.

"No! No! No! This is not the right time! Come on! We have to get back to the Academy! Do you _realize_ how much trouble I'm going to be in for taking another joyride?"

The Master could hear a dismayed voice announce from inside.

"I didn't break it! Come on! You can't strand us here _just_ because you're mad at me! Have some hearts!"

The Master found himself drawn closer to the door. That voice. He knew that voice.

Oh stars he was _not_ in the right mindset to do this today.

"We have to! I told Koschei I'd help him at lunch! I don't have time to get caught right now, come on!" the urgent voice continued to insist.

The Master opened the door and as he reached for the Tardis handle, it unlocked. At least telepathic circuits were good for something.

The room was a bright, painful-on-his-eyes-white that the Master had _almost_ successfully forgotten had ever existed. It took him back to times he absolutely didn't want to remember right now. Back to a time when his fights with the Doctor had been- dare he say- _fun_.

There was a young figure not much older than what would still be considered a Time Tot standing over the console with their back to the entrance. An adult in appearance- because Time Lords didn't 'grow up' the same way humans did- but young enough to still be in school. They had messy blond hair over bright red and gold robes. The moment the Master's eyes landed on them, his breath caught somewhere deep inside him. Ice flooded the Master's veins and froze him in place, just like he was a kid all over again.

"We have to go! Why aren't you responding to me?" the Tardis's young pilot demanded with heavy worry. They lapped around the Tardis console, their fingers nervously fidgeting over the controls they didn't quite yet understand. This button? No. A pause before they opted for a series of switches instead. Still, it made no difference. And funny enough, they never would figure out what that particular set of switches did.

The Master rolled his shoulders back and stood himself up properly. He lifted his chin and forced one hand behind his back in an attempt to appear much more collected than he felt. The Master softly cleared his throat into one fist.

The blond figure looked up instantly.

Ah the Doctor, all shiny and new and not yet taken on their chosen title. So young and wide-eyed and hair like the brightest sun framing their face.

They nearly fell over as their eyes found the Master.

"Oh my stars!" the not-quite-the-Doctor-yet gasped,

"Have you been here the whole time? How did you get in? Who sent you? I- Actually, you know I can cut you a pretty good deal if you don't tell on me. This- This can be our little secret!"

The blond figure leaned a hand against the Tardis console, subsequently slipped, and nearly slammed their face into it.

"As amusing as that would be," the Master allowed his lips slowly pull into a tiny smile, "you can't be here."

He then gave a small shrug. He never could contain a flair of the dramatic, "Not yet anyway."

The not-yet-Doctor laughed at that. A bright, wondrous laugh that echoed throughout the large bleak room. They grinned so wide, it made the smooth edges of their eyes scrunch up.

"How mysterious! But as much as I love vague warnings, I actually _can't_ get back where I'm supposed to be. This Tardis- gotta love her- is being _so_ stubborn. Lend me a hand?"

The Master took a deep breath and shook his head softly. A familiar warmth flooded his senses. The Doctor never did change did they?

The Master supposed he'd better get them out of here. There were timelines to keep intact and all that.

"I suppose-" the Master began, only to be promptly interrupted.

"Wait a _second!_ " the not-yet-Doctor suddenly exclaimed, their face lighting up even brighter than before, "Koschei? You are, aren't you? I'd know that look anywhere!"

The Master recoiled a bit at being called his old name.

"Yes and no-" he began to explain.

All at once, the young figure caught one of the Master's hands and held it between both of their own.

"Kos, it's so good to see you!" they beamed cheerfully, "Look at you! I know we shouldn't know too much about our futures but this is so cool! No wonder the Tardis got stuck here instead! I was just working on getting back to you! Our transdimensional project is going to amaze everyone!"

The Master didn't quite know what to say to that.

This, all of this, all of who the Doctor was- the Master had convinced himself it was as good as never happened. Their shared past was nothing in the grand scheme of the Doctor's history- and yet the Master had never learned how to separate such a vital part of who he is from himself. He and the Doctor grew up together. The cornerstones of who the Master was were built with the Doctor alongside him. He could never fully erase the Doctor from his mind nor his hearts and still be himself.

For these reasons and more, the Master couldn't pull away. It was like a nightmare luring him in with the promise of reliving a pleasant memory. Nothing more than another of the universe's painful tricks taunting further into the dark abyss.

He almost fell for it too.

All at once, the young Time Lord-to-be pulled away and slipped past the Master for the Tardis doors.

"Where are we anyways? It looks dark out. Oh wow, I wish _my_ Koschei had come with me to meet you, he would _love_ this!" their hand was on the door by the time the Master's mind caught up with his surroundings. He reached out a hand.

"Stop! You can't go out there-"

"Awe, come on, Koschei! You haven't changed a day!" they only laughed, "You should know by now there's nothing you can do to stop me!"

And so the Master let his hand fall. And he let the not-yet-Doctor step outside knowing he would have to erase all of this from their mind once it was over.

The young Doctor stayed out there for a while. Long enough that a minute or so ticked by before the Master took a deep breath and followed them out.

The Master nearly ran into them as he left the Tardis. They had barely made it two steps from the door before stopping to take it all in. Ash slowly collected in their golden hair.

The young Doctor simply stood, and stared, and the Master knew the feeling. Too shocked to act, too scared to cry, too overwhelmed to feel anything else.

The Master took his place at their side.

"I know," the Master said simply.

"Why?" the Doctor-to-be breathed, every spark of energy completely sapped from them as they stared blankly.

"It's not time for that yet," the Master replied flatly, "but seeing as I'll have to wipe this from your mind anyways, I might as well tell you."

The Master then joked without any real emotion behind it, "Consider it a test run."

The Master took a heavy breath and the stench of burning coated the roof of his mouth. It wasn't as bad from where the two of them stood on the hill of sand, but the air was still so thick and heavy that it would be a while yet before it was bearable to get any closer.

"It's because they hurt you," the Master confessed.

The Doctor blinked, and finally turned to the Master.

Their young face twisted up, all scared and confused and hurt and even a little touched by what the Master implied.

"What?"

"They destroyed us. We were at odds, but we were content with that... for a while. And then they hurt me, and it turns out they hurt you too- long ago. And now we're not who either of us thought we were. You? And me? At the Academy?"

The Master's gaze fell and he shook his head.

"You and I and everything we became- I'm going to set it right. I'm going to put us back into balance."

"Kos-"

"And stop calling me that!" The Master snapped.

The young Doctor stepped back.

"That scared boy you think I am? The troublemaker you are right now? That we could ever escape this place? It's all a lie. It's all one of the High Council's twisted ploys to keep us under their thumb. I should have known we weren't the same long ago and I hate that I ever believed we were!"

The Master's eyes burned with fury and a deep-seeded agony. His jaw locked in place and his hands became fists once more. The young Doctor searched his expression for some proof that it might be a lie, or a game, or _something_ other than the truth.

Koschei always was a good liar, but even he wasn't this good.

"That... That can't be true," the Doctor's eyes teared up,

"We- We swore we'd have each other's backs! That we'd escape this place and see the stars together! What happened to that?"

"What happened?!" the Master shouted through the background of crackling fire and soft wind in his ears, "You LEFT _ME!_ " he nearly screamed.

It hurt so much more to admit than he could have ever predicted.

" _You_ left _ME_ , Theta!"

The Master could barely see through his own tears as he continued, not knowing how to stop,

"I was a fool to believe you! You left the moment you saw the opportunity! And we had fun for a while, being on opposite sides, but when it mattered- you weren't there! You were off playing with humans and now I know I was never anything more significant than your toys so just- Just get out of here! Go back home and get back to your timeline and your little happy life off saving planets and seeing the stars _without me_."

The Master wasn't quite sure how he got through that without his voice breaking. All that emotion and pain flooded back more with every word. With his anger used up on his home, there was nothing left but regret.

The Master hid his face in his hands, unable to stop himself as he turned away. The more he tried not to cry, the more he could feel the tension building in his chest. He'd thought there was nothing left to break, but he was clearly wrong. There was always the dam between himself and his pain which kept him alive and functioning. A barrier of rage and resentment that kept him on his toes and willing to defend himself or escape.

Seeing the Doctor now, the first one, the one who made the Master chase down all the others and their bright happy face- they punched a hole right through the Master's defenses.

"Koschei, please. Whatever happens- happened- I'll fix it!" Theta promised, "I'd never leave you! There must have been something that stopped me from coming back for you-"

The Master wiped his face on his sleeve.

"No. You chose to leave. And you'll choose it ever time. You chose it before too, you just don't remember it. You run and you run from what the Time Lords did to you and when they catch you they make you a blank slate again and start all over! You don't even know what you've been through. You don't know what _I've seen them do to you!_ Theta, you're nothing but an experiment and the truth will break you the way it broke me- that I promise."

The Master wasn't sure what was next but he brushed away more silent tears he hadn't noticed fall.

This was a start, but he could do far better for the actual performance. Perhaps he'd let the Doctor see it all for themself first. That would make it much easier to keep himself together.

"You're lying," Theta said, begging for it to be true.

The Master shook his head,

"I wish I was."

To his surprise, Theta slowly crossed the distance to him once more. The Master listened to the soft crunch of their steps before they fell as deathly silent as the world around them.

The Master finally looked up after a long moment to see the to-be-Doctor's eyes just as glistening as his own.

"Well I- I don't care!" they breathed shakily.

Theta took the Master's hands tightly in their own.

"Whatever it is, we'll make it through! Together, like we always do!" their bright eyes promised with almost overwhelming earnestly.

The Master shook his head,

"No. If that was true, things would have never turned out the way they have."

Theta shook their head again, faltering,

"That can't be! Koschei, I'd never hurt you! I-"

"Just shut it," the Master hissed, forgetting how to breathe all over again, "You're already gone for me. This is just a fluke. I'm not even convinced you're really here and this isn't some psychotic break," he added with a weak chuckle.

Theta laced their fingers in the Master's and locked their grip on his hands.

"Koschei.... I... I know my words mean close to nothing to you," Theta paused. The Master felt their forehead press against his own. Theta’s weak, unrefined telepathy reached out for the Master as best it knew how to and Theta did what little they could to ease the Master's pain over the open channel.

It barely made a difference- Theta's abilities were barely a bucket of water to the Master's wildfire- but the familiarity of the touch caused the Master to shut his eyes. Even knowing it was nothing more than a moment of weakness, the Master let himself fall deep into the soothing feeling.

"But I do, in fact, love you very much," Theta finished, their warm breath a ghost over the Master’s lips.

The Master chuckled ever so slightly at that. All he'd ever wanted was for the Doctor to return his affections, to pay attention to him, to listen to him. The only good thing about this world was that the two of them had each other to share it with.

The Master's hearts found a way to fit the broken pieces back into place for that single moment. For just a second, he let himself feel that old touch he'd fallen so deeply and selfishly in love with so many, many years ago. It was even better than he remembered.

But it didn't last. The Master couldn't let it. So maybe Theta loved him right now, but they wouldn't with time. They would become the Doctor and would find better people than Koschei- and the Master now knew they had probably loved others just as intensely before him as well.

The Master always thought that the two of them were bonded in some special way, but the truth was that they weren't. It was just happenstance and the Doctor's need to be loved. Whatever bond _was_ between them, it was never what the Master had hoped.

"I'm sorry," the Master said simply.

He breathed in the feeling of Theta's forehead against his and the perfect way their fingers interlocked.

He soaked it all in- and then he pulled his hands away and raised them to Theta's face instead. With a tap of his fingers, Theta was out like a light and the Master just barely had time to catch them before they crashed to the ground.

The Master rolled back the tape of Theta's memory to when their Tardis had first arrived. The Master cut the distance between then and the present moment from Theta's mind. He took away the memories and rolled them up in his metaphorical pocket. He then picked up Theta's taller figure in his arms and carried them back into the Tardis.

The doors swung open once more and the Master entered for what he realized might be the last time. He carefully set Theta on the floor and then turned his attention to the console. He programmed in the coordinates for Theta's proper time and then glanced over the room as he stepped back.

With one last look at his first and only love's face, he turned away and left the Tardis. The Master carefully shut the doors behind him with a satisfying click and sent the ship on its way.

The box faded in pulses until it was nothing.

The Master stared at the empty space for a while.

This wouldn't change anything. He still knew what he needed to do and he would put a proper end to their story if it killed him. And if things went as planned, it absolutely would.

A small part of him hoped Theta might remember this- but the Master already knew he had done too good a job erasing this meeting for that.

Nevertheless, the Master imagined for a brief minute what might have happened if Theta had never left. If they _had_ run away together and neither of them ever found out the truth of what the Time Lords really were. If they escaped and got the chance to chase each other through the tall grass of other worlds where no one would ever come looking for them. If they stared up at new stars from the surfaces of new planets and fulfilled all the childish promises that'd made beneath the infinite night sky.

The Master imagined they would have been happy.

He would take that false reality over the real one any day. However this _was_ his life now. This was who he and the Doctor really were. The Doctor was the beginning of all this- the Master would ensure their end.

He'd better get going. He had work to do.

**Author's Note:**

> It's not much but I couldn't stop thinking about this prompt and writing the Master and his motivations are always so fascinating I had to write this lol  
> I really hope you like it! Also sorry for the emotional suffering X)


End file.
